. . . and the pursuit ends

"Focus on yourself, your work, your life's ambition, and hold out for someone who adores you and doesn't have to be talked into treating you well. It's worth it. You're worth it."

i really should have known better, but it seems like my thick head prevails and i didn't learn anything based from previous experiences.

i lose myself so quickly with the idea of love, of being inlove, of finding someone who matches the ideals of the perfect man in my head that i lose sight of the fact that, well, it's all in my head! so i'm saying goodbye to you Mr. Fish, it was fun while it lasted, but the truth of the matter is, i need to cut you out of my life. permanently, for good, for always and forever.

i had fun thinking you were different than other guys, i had fun falling for the sensitive schtick you peddled, i had fun dreaming up different versions of us watching Shamu together, i had fun coming up with questions to ask you (because i actually wanted to get to know you!), i had fun thinking you and i will always be friends (if that!), i had fun telling my friends that this time around i'm smarter because i was actually starting to fall inlike with a guy who seemed genuine. the fact of the matter is this: you weren't any different from all the guys out there. a schtick is a schtick and you peddled it quite nicely as i fell for it hook, line and sinker! nowadays, i dream of Shamu whacking you in the face with it's tail. you never really asked me questions, a red flag that you weren't even interested in getting to know me. we will never be friends, not the kind of friendship i share with the people in my life, and honestly? i'm quite glad for it, M and B and NSB and hell, even LS keep me on my toes enough as it is! oh and one last thing, you weren't genuine at all, coz if you were then i would have gotten an explanation, any kind of explanation.

i am, unfortunately, a horrible judge of character after all. still.